Like many people in the United States, my first introduction to yoga was through studio classes. More specifically, at a studio that specialized in heated power vinyasa flow. Think sweaty people moving through a sequence of poses in rapid progression, attempting to synchronize our breath with the movements and if we were really on fire that day, to those around us as well. From the outset, I recall that my classmates all appeared to be relatively fit and flexible - and seemingly physically capable of WAY more than I could handle in those early days. But I committed to trying to get on the same level, went to as many classes I could possibly squeeze in during my initial 30-day "trial" period (paying for it with student loan money felt extra motivating), and it quickly turned into a regular part of my routine I continued to prioritize for a long time thereafter.
Interestingly, over those first few months of becoming a yoga student, I noticed everyone seemed to be aiming for increasingly "advanced" postures. Amping up their athleticism with inversions (thinking headstands and handstands) or ever more challenging balances and bends. Unfortunately, at that time, I noticed it only in as much as I was becoming part of it. If someone around me was elevating the level of difficulty, then it gave me something to reach for and I absolutely wanted to do it too!
Fast forward 10 years with a good amount of personal and professional experience later and I now look at all of this entirely differently. The COVID-19 pandemic and some other personal factors completely took me away from studio classes, which I know was such a common experience it even precipitated many total studio closures. However, for some time before that, I was already relying much more on my individual practice rather than class instruction largely because some of the satisfaction I used to get from those classes had evaporated.
In the past year, I finally felt capable of completing a 200hr-YTT (initial yoga teacher training certification course) and chose to do it with the owners of that original studio that started me on my yoga journey. This was a very deliberate move on my part, largely because I had watched their approach to yoga transform in those intervening years too. Now, substantially more focused on what we can individually gain from yoga rather than it being treated as a primarily physical pursuit far removed from the roots of what this practice is supposed to be all about.
Going through that 200hr-YTT, I can confidently say that I ended up doing WAY more than the required hours as every assignment or reading seemed to take me down another rabbit hole to try to learn and understand more about this ancient practice, of which asana is a relatively recent addition. I also became an avid listener of various podcasts with topics ranging from yoga history and philosophy to modern day asana teaching. But the deeper I dug and the more I learned, the less confident I felt about how I had been practicing all along, despite previously striving so hard to be the ideal student and do everything "right."
I began to FINALLY shift how I was using asana (the physical postures many of us in the West would consider as "yoga"). Rather than treating it as an end game of achieving perfect, physically beautiful alignment in challenging postures, every movement - no matter how slight - began to take on significance. How I moved within my body, how I constricted or permitted the movement of my breath, and how my mind responded to any feelings of imperfection all held significance. And it wasn't just about my time on the mat, but it was a reflection of how I showed up in life every day (and vice versa).
Maybe this all comes across as incredibly basic to someone who grew up with yoga as part of their household tradition or even others who just managed to grasp these concepts much earlier in their yoga journey than I. But I am truly humbled by how long it took me to FINALLY make some of these connections. And more, that I am just now getting to the point of truly "living my yoga." I am showing up better for myself and others on a daily basis, as a physician, friend, and partner. I am also finding ways to spread this wisdom with patients, largely without any asana practice at all (though I do always recommend it to those who are open to the suggestion).
Within the past year, I did also make the conscious effort to get back to studio classes. Because within my training, it was becoming apparent that all of us could really benefit from continuing to expose ourselves to different styles and instructors rather than feeling dogmatic about the particular way we were taught or are most comfortable with. Not to mention, on this side of the pandemic, I think all of us could use a little more socialization. I found a new studio that I have been largely really happy with as it has a great vibe, supportive sense of community, and enough diversity in teaching styles that everything felt freely acceptable. Sadly, I'm noticing that same focus on increased athleticism and physical perfectionism beginning to creep in. This time though, I am hopeful that I now have the knowledge and confidence to continue practicing MY yoga, allowing my progression through asana to be the embodiment of how I am attempting to consistently live, remaining mindful and noticing all the small things to my ultimate benefit.
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